Touch You Last

It’s a huge treat for my when I pop in a classic movie and end up enjoying it. It’s not as typical an occurrence as you’d think. Like sitting through Strangers on a Train —I’m glad I saw it but I didn’t have fun watching it. Or Giant ; I was glad to cross that one off my list, but I watched the clock just as much as I watched the movie. It seems that I’ve adopted the same attitude towards watching a movie as I used to have towards reading a book: you will finish this, goddamn you. Just grit your teeth and plow through it. Don’t get me wrong—most of these Wednesday Movies are films I really wanted to see. This wasn’t one of them. I was overly familiar with the story going in, and Gregory Peck (no matter how deep of voice and cleft of chin) was neither a draw nor a turn on for me. Of course, I was all wrong about this movie. Having now seen it, I’d count it among my favourites. I loved the kids in this movie; they were just perfectly cast. And I haven’t traced their careers o...

I can’t remember the last time I’ve paid this close attention to something. By the end I was exhausted for it; for trying to catch every detail, trying to draw significance out of every scene. I was convinced I wouldn’t get it otherwise. But in the end all that work wasn’t necessary; despite the reputation this movie has, it’s not all that hard to understand. I’m nowhere near capable of explaining it in its entirety—scene to scene—but I know what it’s about, and so do you if you’ve seen in. The movie begins with a series of strange, unrelated scenes: a dance competition, a woman surviving a spectacular car crash, a man discussing his reoccurring nightmare. The only common thread between these scenes is the dreamlike quality they all have; the camera floats softly, the dialogue is not quite illogical but it’s vague to the viewer while filled with meaning for the characters. Past this sequence, the movie settles into two (mostly) coherent storylines. 1. Betty (Naomi Watts) comes to Hol...

I’ve watched nearly a dozen movies since my last Wednesday review, and nearly all of them were worth talking about, but I never got around to writing about any. Some I vetoed because they didn’t grab me, but in other cases I just didn’t feel there was anything to say that hadn’t already been said. Schindler’s List , for example—what can I add to tomes that have already been compiled about that one? Plus, as Isha put it, “critiquing Schindler’s List is like critiquing the Holocaust.” So let’s leave that one alone and talk about Singin’ in the Rain instead. Entertainment Weekly named it the tenth best movie of all time. So did the American Film Institute . IMDB users (a group rife with fanboys and gonads for certain, but not the worst judges of film merit in the world) ranked it 63rd in their Top Movies of all Time list. Does it deserve these accolades? Um, sure. Which is not to disparage it, but just to say that I’m probably not the best judge. While I like modern musicals , this o...

This was supposed to be the movie that restored my faith in Mel Brooks. I’d only ever known him as maker of unfunny films. Spaceballs, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Dracula: Dead and Loving it —all just terrible. (Don’t get your back up over Spaceballs . If you still think it’s a funny movie then you haven’t seen it as an adult. Or you’re Bill Pullman.) Young Frankenstein is a satire not just of the original Frankenstein movie, but of the plethora of classic Frankenstein movies that followed: Bride of, Son of, Ghost of, Proctologist of, Posse of, etc. Gene Wilder plays Frederick Frankenstein, grandson of the megalomaniacal creator of the original creature. His plans to pursue legitimate, moral avenues of science go awry when he inherits his grandfather’s castle, and more importantly, Victor’s secret library. In short order he has built and brought to life a monster of his own (played by Peter Boyle), which he can neither contain nor control. There’s more to it ...

I still haven’t come to terms with the audacity it must have taken to make this movie. It was the forties, the country was at war, and Walt Disney produced a two hour cartoon that wasn’t aimed at children. Further, it was split into a number of sequences which, more often then not, told no discernable story. Lastly, it showcased classical music as much as it did animation. It tanked when it was released. Of course it did. No one in their right mind would make this movie intending to turn a profit. It’s the kind of thing you do for love. You figure that twenty years from now, maybe, hopefully, people will understand what you were trying to do and why. Not counting the opening piece which showcases the orchestra itself, there are six sequences: The Nutcracker Suite—featuring flowers, mushrooms, and other bits of nature coming to life and dancing; The Sorcerer’s Apprentice—the Mickey Mouse magic-gone-awry bit that’s most famous; The Rite of Spring—a hugely ambitious sequence that s...

My watching this turns out to be kind of timely. Apparently David Cronenberg is working on developing a television series based on his creepy 1988 ‘classic.’ This flick just barely classifies as a Wednesday movie—I wasn’t dying to see it but I was planning on getting to it eventually. But we’ve recently discovered the wonder that is the Ottawa Public Library , and every time I go there to drop something off there’s always something in the return rack that catches my eye. This is how I ended up watching a sort-of thriller about twin gynecologists that would have creeped me out more had I a vagina on my person. Jeremy Irons is Elliot Mantle : suave, handsome, and one of the partners of a highly successful fertility clinic; also, Jeremy Irons is Beverly Mantle: partner two in said clinic, equally handsome, and somewhat smarter but nowhere near as slick as his brother. The two men run a successful business, and when that’s not occupying their time, they also enjoy playing switcheroo. Ell...

Harold is baby-faced young man obsessed with death. His family is horribly rich and Harold, lacking the need or desire for a job, is mostly employed with faking his suicide—hanging, shooting, or disembowelling himself as the mood takes him. His performances are all for the benefit of his superWASP, ice cold mother, but she has grown so used to his behaviour that she can do laps beside his apparently drowned corpse without breaking stride. Maude is days short of eighty but more full of life then anyone Harold has ever met. She’s exuberant, irreverent, and quite literally wants to make every moment count. She’s also a car thief a drives a mile a minute. Natually, Harold and Maude become lovers. Whoa, whoa—simmer down! Don’t run away. This isn’t Basic Instinct or anything. Beyond a few kisses and a suggestive fade-to-black, there’s nothing all that sexual in the movie. Unless you see the Director’s Cut—now that shit’s crazy! Frottage, auto-erotic asphyxiation; let’s just say there are so...

Look at IMDBs top rated movies and, for the most part, you’ll find no surprises. The Godfather , Citizen Kane, Seven Samurai —agree or disagree, these are all the films you expect to see. But scroll down to number eleven. City of God . Right now you’re probably saying, “qu'est-ce que c'est?” Or more appropriately, “¿qué es eso?” (In truth, I’m probably not giving you all the credit you deserve, but I’m going to go ahead and keep pretending you’re a moron because it just makes my job easier.) When this movie came to theatres in the fall of 2002, I didn’t think much of it. But then the critical buzz was huge and I swore I would see it. So I picked it up at the video store. But then I put it down and opted for Baby Geniuses instead. Then Charmed: Season One . Then XXX: State of the Union . About nine attempts later, I resisted the pull of Married People, Single Sex and finally brought home City of God . I knew that the movie used a cinéma vérité approach, and that was probably ...

It’s difficult to see a current movie and not already know too much about it. I love trailers, but more often then not, they render the set up of any movie almost meaningless. Mr. & Mrs. Smith —a great movie that I enjoyed a lot, but we all knew going in that the Mr. and Mrs. were assassins for hire, and it gave the first half an hour a real get-on-with-it feel. This is why I enjoy these Wednesday movies, because I only know most of them by reputation and what I think I know is typically wrong. There were only two things I knew about Out of Africa before I watched it: it had won Best Picture, and it was longest movie in all of movie history. Turns out I was wrong on the second thing. I think my parents—to whom a ninety-five minutes feature is “some long, b’y”—might have seen this when I was young and I’d witnessed the fall out. At two hours and forty minutes, no one would define it as short and breezy, but it’s no Das Boot , if you know what I’m saying. So here’s what I didn’t kn...

Garden State is a very good movie. Just wanted to get that out there right at the start, because a little farther along I’m going to start sharing my issues with this movie, particularly the last fifteen minutes of it. So up front and right away—I really enjoyed it. If you haven’t seen it, pick it up. If you have, go tell Zach Braff that you liked it. It’s the story of Andrew Largeman, a mostly out of work actor who has been tranquilized with anti-depressants since the age of ten. After getting the call that his mother has died, he returns home to New Jersey for the first time in nine years, and he makes the decision to do so with a clear head, leaving LA without his requisite arsenal of medication. He has an awkward visit with his father (who is also his psychiatrist), and remains numb throughout his mother’s service, but after the funeral an odyssey begins. He connects with an old friend from school and a free-spirited, oddly compelling girl, and finds himself traveling throu...

Jefferson Smith isn’t literally a boy scout. Figuratively though, he’s a bright-eyed, principled young man who loves his country, and who stands up for people. What people? Well, people who need people to stand up for them. Those people. Oh, and he’s also the leader of a youth adventure club. After the death of an elderly senator, Mr. Smith is chosen to take a seat in the US Senate. Sure, he’s a patriot and an all around good guy, but the real reason for this appointment comes from the belief that Smith will be a non-entity—that he’ll vote how he’s told to vote and otherwise simply fill a seat. Smith enters Washington aglow, dazzled by his luck in having a hands-on part in the democratic process; humbled by the monuments and the legacies of past presidents. But his good nature is preyed upon as he runs afoul of the press and refuses to follow along with a coterie of crooked senators. When his dream bill for a boys’ camp runs contrary to the plans of the local industry kingpin, Smith mu...

Why does this film qualify? You might have observed that it’s a little bit different than the others. But the goal was to watch the movies I’d always meant to see, and we’ve owned this movie for about a year, and there were at least eight instances where I asked, “Hey honey, do you wanna watch George Clooney moustache-o-rama tonight?”, and strangely, got shot down. So in the end it was just me, the Cloons, and a few tall shots of rum. This is probably not a movie in need of recapping. While most people I know haven’t seen the movie, they’re aware of what it’s about. It’s based upon the autobiography of Chuck Barris, the television producer best known as the awkward, strangely charming host of The Gong Show. Beyond his life in television (he also produced The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game), Barris led a secret, second life as a contact assassin for the CIA, or so he claims. But we’ll get to that. It’s George Clooney’s first (to date, only) directorial effort. When the movie was rele...

These little reviews are so much easier when I hate the movie. All About Eve was a cakewalk and took me about half an hour, whereas I’ve only just started this and I know it’ll take my all damn day. What do you say about a movie that’s extremely good, that was given due praise and accolades upon its release, and that hasn’t yet fallen off the radar? I guess you say this: Cinema Paradiso could have been a melodrama. It could easily have been the type of film you catch on the Hallmark Channel (for those of you without benefit of black market satellite: yes, there is such a thing.) There’s tragedy and thwarted love, a beloved character dies, and a son is reunited with his mother after thirteen years—but no one wallows in despair; I don’t think that any of the leads actually cry. In the town of Giancaldo shortly after the end of the Second World War, the Cinema Paradiso is the only real form of entertainment. A young boy named Salvatore (or Toto) befriends the cinema’s projectionis...

The only thing worse than subjecting myself to this movie is that I now have to write about it. Had I not left the movie-watching to the zero hour, I would have quickly tossed the tape back on the pile after the first fifteen minutes and picked something else, but it appears I’m both lazy and a whore for deadlines, so here we go. Although the film proposes to be All About Eve , it’s in fact Mostly About Margo, which is admittedly less direct but decidedly more alliterative. Bette Davis, of eye fame, plays the role of Margo Channing, grand dame of the New York theatre scene circa 1950. Talented, adored, but equally pretentious and bitchy, Margo’s gravitational pull commands a small universe of friends, lovers, and hangers-on. It also draws the worship of a young fan name Eve. Like any good stalker, Eve has been to every performance of Margo’s current play, which is well into its hundredth production at the film’s onset. Eve proves herself obsequious enough to win Margo’s favour a...

My first observation is that there’s a lot of Brad Pitt in James Dean, or I guess a lot of James Dean in Brad Pitt: the looks, the mannerisms, even that nutso laugh Pitt had in Fight Club . I’m thinking that something is going on with the Hollywood gene pool—not that it’s all the same pond, just that the tides overflow once in a while. My second observation is that James Dean as Jim Stark is a lot like Brando’s character in On the Waterfront . They’re both tough but sensitive, they have similar idiosyncratic mannerisms, and there’s something just a little feminine about them. And I don’t mean that in any kind of mocking way. Observation three is that I have a bit of a man-crush on James Dean—which is probably a poorly timed statement coming fresh off that feminine bit. But it’s a man crush, people, not a crush-crush. It’s a non-sexual attraction: the kind where I want to be his sidekick or a wingman (were he alive). Do you follow? I get man crushes on people li...

I wasn’t excited to have to watch this movie. Given, it was the perfect type of flick for my Wednesday movie—iconic, old, something I’d always meant to watch—but I thought it would be dull. It’s directed by Roman Polanski who, whether you know his stuff or not, you naturally consider to be more than capable at his day job. But I thought he’d take what was intended to be a horror movie and strip all the fun from it, make it about something else entirely, like social elitism or xenophobia. I was absolutely wrong. It’s a very conventional horror movie, and it’s as scary as the damn devil. Whether or not you’ve seen it, you probably know what it’s about, or at least how it all turns out: a young newly wedded woman discovers that her neighbours are Satanists and they’ve managed to impregnate her with the devil’s seed. This is why I didn’t think I’d like it very much: if the ending is what makes the movie so famous and that’s already been spoiled for you going in, then the j...

I figure there are three tracts I can take with this one: 1. Write a legitimate review 2. Compare my observations of the movie to those of the bottle of wine I put back while watching it 3. Do a cheap recap exploiting the title of the movie As option one would be unnecessarily serious (again) and two is funnier in concept then in execution, we’re going with three. The Ugly is Mexican, a criminal, and not nearly as ugly as the name would purport. The Bad is a hired gun who finishes the job come hell or high water. The Good is squinty-eyed, ponchoed, and all thing considered, not really so good. All three are supernaturally good gunfighters. The Ugly and The Good are sort of old friends. Their long running scheme is for The Good to turn in The Ugly to the local authorities of various towns, collect the price on his head, then save him from a well-deserved hanging and split the reward. After a long successful run, The Good—for no ...

Blue Velvet is not unlike an old episode of Scooby-Doo: Kyle McLachlan makes a passable Fred, Laura Dern embraces parts of both Velma and Daphne, and Dennis Hopper could conceivably be Old Man Withers—the crusty amusement park owner disguised as the monster—assuming Old Man Withers was a psychopath who liked to huff nitrous oxide and dry-hump people. In a nutshell, Blue Velvet is about Jeffrey, a young, all-American type boy who returns home from College after his father falls ill. On a walk home from the hospital, Jeffrey makes the grisly discovery of a human ear, which he brings immediately to the authorities. The police are interested but they shut him out from the details of the case, so Jeffrey begins some boy detective work. He is led to Dorothy, an alluring though seemingly unbalanced lounge singer who he believes may be a murderer. But he soon learns that Dorothy is being sexually blackmailed by a lunatic named Frank, a man who needs all kinds of crazy shit to get his rocks o...

It’s 1951, and love is in the air. Love of all kinds, whether it’s smooching-in-the-back-of-the-theatre love, feel-ups-in-the-front-seat-of-your-shitty-pickup love, hook-ups-on-the-pool-table-with-your-mom’s-boyfriend love, or sexiest of all, boning-Cloris-Leachman-in-a-creaky-old-person’s-bed love (which I like to think of as ‘the love that dare not speak its name’). Welcome to Anarene, Texas. The Last Picture Show follows a year in the life of a few small town folk, particularly a group of teens in their senior year. The main players are: Sonny, an innocent-faced, directionless kid played by Timothy Bottoms (who—imdb tells me—plays Dubya more than any other character these days); his volatile friend Duane (Jeff Bridges); and Jacy, the school hottie and Duane’s girlfriend at the onset (played by an especially nubile Cybil Sheppard). It’s a movie about tedium, and the cruelty that comes as a result of it. Jacy leaves Duane to move on to other men that aren’t necessarily better or ...

Today, we introduce a new feature that I like to call: Seeing the Movies I’d Always Meant to See. Or SMAMS if you prefer. (Or not. Perhaps a rebranding is due in the next quarter.) It takes a certain kind of movie to make this list—I’ve always meant to see Young Frankenstein , but that’s not quite what we’re talking about here. These are the epics, the feel-bads; the Schindler’s Lists, Mystic Rivers, Seventh Seals ; the ones you check out at Blockbuster and think about for three seconds before renting You Got Served instead. The plan is for this feature to show up every other Wednesday. There’s going to be suffering involved here, for me and you, so doing this weekly would be a bit too much to ask. I hadn’t seen Seven Samurai until today, despite the fact that I’ve owned since October. I also haven’t seen The Magnificent Seven, The Wild Bunch , or any of the other homages or remakes (although if it’s any consolation I have seen Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and Seven Rides...