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Rub-ASS

Well, the weather’s warmer, and all the crazy athletic people around me are somewhat inspiring, and the deadline for my 101 in 1001 is slowly closing in, so I’ve starting jogging again. (I’m not crazy about calling it ‘jogging;’ the word feels retro to me and it brings to mind visions of sweaty, hirsute men in headbands and short-shorts. But then if it had been ‘I’ve started running again,’ it would have sounded like I was fleeing, and then I would have had to include some kind of large explanation in parentheses.) It’s been a minor success so far. I’ve run about 35k since I’ve started—which sounded impressive until I realized I’ve been at it for about 35 days. (Not to say I’ve run 1k on 35 different occasions.)

One of my as yet unattained 101 goals is to run a 22 minute 5k. I had no strategy towards how to accomplish this when I wrote it. It was just going to happen. Magically. Ideally I’d just wake up and found it had been done. Didn’t happen though. Instead, I’ve put a backup plan into action. I’ve been running on the treadmill at the gym, and I’ve cranked up the speed by .1 each time. For the first few days the difference was laughable, but the last couple have had me sucking wind. I haven’t failed yet. I know I will though, and it will be huge—like misstep, face against the belt, reverse somersault into the wall behind me bad. But hey, the danger makes it fun.

I’ve also developed a bit of a hurty knee, and I think that’s related to me compensating for this other pain I get in the arch of my foot (although the knee hurts more than the foot). It’s fine, really—it’s only tender right after a run, and not even so bad that I’ve consulted Dr. Google about it. I know that it stems from two things: one—that my body is getting accustomed to running (whereas not-running came pretty naturally), and two—I’m old. I’m not yet crippled and arthritic, but my body doesn’t take punishment quite as easy as it used to. It’s not even bad enough to hold me back, but I can feel that day coming. So between now and then, I’ll start stockpiling Tiger Balm and Rub-A535. On a semi-related note, every time I’m shopping and my eyes scan quickly over a display of Rub-A535, I always think it reads ‘Rub-ASS.’ And I laugh. Every single time. And I have to stop myself from screaming out to Sarah, “Baby, do we need to pick up more Rub-ASS? No, I think we do. I think you used up the last of the Rub-ASS the other night. "

Comments

Jay said…
You can do it!!

My goals vis a vis "running" are much more attainable: to not fall down so much, to not cough up a lung, to embarrass myself just a little bit less.

When I finished my first 5K, I cried with gratitude that my joints followed me the whole way, and I left my stop watch at home :)
Anonymous said…
Hey Chumley,

Well, your goal is attainable.
I mean if I can manage to eek out a 24 minute 5K, you can certainly best me.

Or can you.

Maybe my encouraging approach is the wrong way to do this.

Maybe I should aim for a 20 minute 5K....

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT, SPARTAN?

Jorge

PS: Wanna play some basketball?
Felicity Walker said…
I’m trying to stop myself from saying “RUB-ASSS” every time I see the RUB-A535 commercial on TV. ☺
fritz said…
I have the exact same reaction whenever I see A535! So funny to know someone else has such a bizarre mind.

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