One, Twice, Three Times a Humpy

Twelve Weeks

A lot of you have heard this story before, but before we went to the first ultrasound I'd naturally assumed I wouldn't be able to make heads or tails of what I saw. I think that in my head I was picturing ultrasounds from the olden days, where they looked like photos of deep space or of someone's colon. But as you can see, while a little grainy, everything was easy to make out. My first thought was, "That baby is HUGE for twelve weeks!" forgetting that they'd magnified things about a thousand times. I also didn't realize that I was looking at still photographs. They'd get a good angle, snap a picture, and then hold on it to do measurements. But then a few minutes in, when the technician was looking for a new angle, the kid started rocking out. He (although we didn't know it was a he just yet) actually flipped over on his side and flipped back again, way faster than I ever thought something that small could move. And for the record, that's not a tusk shooting out of his head. It's his hand. A little wussup to all the people watching maybe, or possibly a gang sign. We'll see that again.

Eighteen Weeks

This is totally the 2001: A Space Odyssey shot. The second visit was cool because there was just so much detail: individual chambers of the heart pumping away, spine, clearly defined limbs, face (sorta), and of course--his goods. Actually the first shot was a between-the-legs shot. I thought, is that what I think it is? The technician said, "I think I see something there." We got away from it for a bit, she took some measurements of limbs and organs, then we got back to that area and the technician (a francophone) was all, "Ah, you can see his manhood." Looking at this picture again, this visit seems like forever ago. This was back when we were briefly flirting with naming him "Siemens."

Thirty-two Weeks

And today. At the second ultrasound, the technician noted that Sarah had a low-lying placenta. She said that in most cases the placenta migrates away, but she recommended a third ultrasound just to be sure. (Low-lying placenta means there is a serious danger of the placenta birthing before the baby. Placenta preceding baby = very, very bad, so if the placenta remains low late into the pregnancy you're guaranteed a C-section.) Fortunately, the placenta has moved so all is good. This ultrasound was the type I'd originally envisioned, because a lot of the time I didn't know what the hell I was looking at. When kiddo was smaller you could see everything at once, but at thirty-two weeks you only get small sections at a time. I confused the fingers for toes at one point. More confounding still was the head-on view of the kid's face. Both Sarah and the technician were like, "Ohhhhh, there's his little nose. And his eyes and his mouth! Hi, buddy!" And I might as well have been mashing my palms into my eyes for all the sense I could make of what I was seeing. (Then the technician rotated the picture about forty times until I caught on.) And as promised, there's that hand again, up my his face. I'm starting to think it's a handshake he's practicing. It's a secret handshake that only he and I will know. Or maybe he's doing the Thriller dance. Okay, let's face it: I have no good theory about what he's doing. A salute? His face is itchy? Surf's up? I've got no clue, people.