"Photograph" - Nickleback

You’re all thankful that this song is fading from your memory, but it’s come back into my life now so I’m forcing it back into yours. I’ve started to listen to MSN Radio at work, which is not bad and also less buggy than Accuradio seems to be. I’m partial to the alternative station, but the downside is that I hear Nickleback’s "Photograph" eighty-five times a day. When it was released last summer, every format and every station played it on a goddamn twenty-four hour loop. Somehow, without our knowing, Chad Kroeger was elected Chair of the CRTC, and now there’s nothing we can do.

The guys from Nickleback have never been brilliant lyricists, but this song is a very special kind of crap. Let’s get to it, shall we? (Be sure to follow the footnotes below.)

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?(1)

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up(2)
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out(3)

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do(4)
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in

Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I

CHORUS
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye(5)

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel(6)

Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed(7)
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when

CHORUS

I miss that town
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

CHORUS

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me…(8)

1. Dude, I’ve seen the video. It’s just a lampshade. Unorthodox? Yes. What-the-hell worthy? No. Unless it’s a bong you made out of a lampshade, in which case some confusion is understandable.
2. Rhyming a word with the exact same word: well played.
3. And again.
4. Suddenly, Chad Kroeger finds the AA BB rhyme scheme just too hard to follow. “My art doesn’t follow your goddamn rules. I’m a trailblazer. I’m a cowboy. If I wanna not rhyme, I’m gonna not rhyme. If I wanna lop words out of a line until what I’m saying doesn’t make any fucking sense, that’s what I’m gonna do. Bring this up again and you’re gonna get a punch in the mouth.”
5. I’ll give credit where it’s due. There’s nothing wrong with the chorus. It’s catchy, it makes sense, it evokes emotion. One time, I flicked on the radio and this song came in just at the chorus. Right then I thought this song isn’t that bad. This thought has not occurred to me since.
6. If either Chad Kroeger or his friend actually said these words out loud, I guarantee right afterward one of them called the other a fag. And then they punched each other in the mouth. And then they made out.
7. Fuck I hate this line! You almost missed? Now, I’ve had some shitty first kisses in my day, but almost missing was never at the root of the problem. What did you almost kiss, then? Her eyeball? Her dad? I know it’s a convenient rhyme but fucking try harder!
8. Throw up in your mouth? No? Just me then.