Touch You Last

I'm very busy at work, and so, not around much these days. Bill Snowden is on the move. The ancient art of fan fiction is alive and well. A thirteen year-old Shaun Hatton wrote the best sci-fi you'll ever read . The 2005 MTV Video Music Awards made for very bad television, but very good comedy . The year 1984 didn't turn out anything like the book promised it would . And while I always thought it was two, in turns out that my magic number is three . Back in a bit.

When will blogging jump the shark? Has it already?

Me as I write this: I’ve got Spike TV’s Most Irresistible Women on in the background. I’m finding that this show preys upon a two things I’m fond of: lists and very attractive women. I can get behind Spike. I’m not really a guy’s guy (so, not 95% driven by cars, sports, and arse), but every time I turn to this channel I have no trouble watching whatever’s on: MXC, The Ultimate Fighter, old bad Schwarzenegger movies—it’s all gold. I love when things are ranked. Rank your books, rank your friends, rank your nuts—I love it! It’s telling, and the arguments that come out of it are a blast. What do we have on the show so far here: Eva Mendes, Scarlett Johansen, Gisele, Eva Longoria. They’re not part of my top five, but I can see what the fuss is about. And while we’re on it, I really can’t stand when people (guys in particular) take a girl who is universally agreed as being gorgeous and say “She’s ugly! I don’t know what people see in her.” I get that Britney Spears is vapid, has a taste for...

Another shout out (and later in the day than I'd meant), this one to Jorge and Tanya, celebrating three years today. If you'd like to go back and visit that magical day, get a time machine. However, if you'd like a peek at the vows, Jorge has kindly posted them . For impact, though, I don't think anything will match Jorge's speech, which when a little like this: "Well, first of all I'd like to th--" BOOM! LIGHTNING! POURING FUCKING RAIN! Jorge was denied his speech by some very inclement weather. And the Dutch--but that's a different story. Anyhow, I love you guys. And that's not just the third glass of wine talking. K, Maybe l'l bit.

Quick, long overdue shout out: To Jen and Greg, celebrating their one month anniversary today. We car-tripped to their wedding in Quebec City and their reception in Fort Erie (different weekends) and I never mentioned it here. No good reason why. Well, probably because I had a great time at both and they were normal affairs, totally lacking obscene drunkeness, fist-fights, knobs and C-U-next-Tuesdays--all of the things that make for good comedy. Or, more likely, I was irresponsible and lazy. I'd like to post a picture of them all gussied up, but we gave all the pictures we took to the lovely bride and (equally lovely groom). Suffice to say they looked something like this: No-- exactly like that. Real purty. Or maybe like this . Anyhow, happy one-month. Hope the magic is still there.

Sarah here, hijacking Dave's blog... It's Dave's 30th birthday, so feel free to stop by and say hello (and don't forget to check out all the new Las Vegas entries that have come up over the weekend!!) Discuss amongst yourselves: If you're in your 30s: What is your proudest accomplishment thus far (it may or may not have taken place on your birthday)? If you're not yet in your 30s: What was your best birthday so far? Note: Feel free to answer both questions, regardless of chronological age.

(Before I forget—a word about Danny Gans. Unless you’ve been to Vegas, you have no idea who this guy is. He is a Vegas-only celebrity. He’s been at The Mirage for god-knows-how-many years and his strength is impressions—over 100 a night, so the ads claim. And he is very good at them, but he’s also incredibly unfunny. And a Christian singer . We’ve never actually seen his show, nor would we, we just know him by reputation. We’ve also seen the commercial, which was more than enough to put us off him for life. I think that he just has a pit bull of a publicist who generates this buzz that Danny is the guy to see in Vegas. As I mentioned before, The Mirage has a ninety-foot billboard of this guy right out front of the building, with a caption like: Entertainer of the Year -Danny Gans Magazine If I’ve piqued your Danny Gans interest at all—given you some kind of morbid curiously—be sure to check out this link . Riot. Anyways, back to it…[ This is one of my favourite websites in the world! –...

We rise late and opt for breakfast at The Venetian, which is coffee and canoli at a little pastry shop. Then we’re back to one of the casinos that we breezed through before: The Aladdin The Theme: Arabian Nights—ziggurats, giant lamps sculptures, etc. Why you know it: If you’re a girl, because you saw that Disney movie and had a crush on that Tom Cruise-looking Aladdin; if you’re a guy, because the same movie made you wonder how good you’d look in a fez and a vest with no shirt. What makes it good: The Commander’s Palace; the fact that my gambling luck did not run dry there. [ The fact that I got SERIOUSLY hit on while playing video poker –S.] What makes it bad: The fact that I’m an imbecile; camera thieves. We hold of on gambling and go to the mall first. There’s a third preview studio, but it’s closed, so we kill a bit of time before heading to our reserved table at the second best restaurant in the world: the Commander’s Palace (first is Scala in Oia, on Santorini, Greece) It’s Cre...

We wake up after eleven hours of back-in-the-womb grade sleep. Breakfast, like 90% of our meals thus far, is back in TI at a place called Dishes. We’ve hit the highly coveted breakfast to lunch crossover time, where you pay for a breakfast buffet but also have access to the lunch items. I’m all out of willpower, so I have Chinese, Pizza, and a decent Creme Brule . Sarah starts off with sensible breakfast items but eventually joins me on the darkside. Leaving TI, we begin what will turn out to be an epic walk, touring many of the casinos we haven’t hit. We start out with: Caesars Palace The Theme: Rome, in all its B.C. splendor. Why you know it: Because it’s the prototypical Las Vegas casino. Also, Wrestlemania took place there. [ Joey worked there on the Vegas episodes of FRIENDS. -S.] What makes it good: It’s cheesy, but in a good way (although I didn’t have to stay there). The gambling area is unbelievably big, the lobby is filled with marble statues, and there’s a decently forged T...

Somehow, we’re out of bed by 8:30, so we pop over to McDonald’s for some bad-for-us breakfast. Having made a good start on the supersizing of me, we head out for the day. It’s blisteringly hot, around forty Celsius; Vegas is my first experience with a dry heat (which is pleasant at first but leaves you feeling microwaved after about ten minutes). We book it quickly down to: The Venetian The Theme: A remarkably spot-on depiction of Venice, complete with gondolas and frescos--minus the pigeon shit. Why you know it: You might not. It doesn’t have that level of fame or notoriety of resorts like The Luxor, Excalibur, or New York, New York. What makes it good: It’s the best executed of the theme resorts; frankly and honestly, it’s a beautiful looking structure. What makes it bad : Aggressive time-share salespeople in the mall; the swimming pool-blue canals are way too clean to pass for the real deal. Sarah had heard that it's one of a few resorts that has preview studio, where you can...

I leave work at two, having phoned-in the last two hours (but as it’s the last long weekend of the summer, so has everyone around me). Once home, I ensure that Moe hasn’t taken a dump on the floor—which is a new habit he’d acquired—and then I gather the last few things I need for the trip. Sarah gets home shortly after and finishes off packing up our stuff. Then her parents arrive and Sarah’s dad helps the two of us force the cats’ chalky-smelling, semen-resembling medicine down their throats. It'd take at least three people to get it down me, too. At the airport, we have a particularly bad dinner in a place called The Senate Chamber —the bacon in Sarah’s wrap looks fresh off a pig’s back, and my beef dip comes with a side of potato chips. We board our first plane, bound for Chicago. It’s a wee little thing and holds maybe sixty people. As we board, I get my first real peek inside a cockpit, and the digital readouts unnervingly resemble the PET computers that were a school standa...

Just a quick note to say we're off to Vegas as of 5:30 today. We'll be back on Wednesday, so consider this notice that there will be nothing to see here until then. When I get back, I'll regale you all with tales of breaking the bank, enduring seven-thousand degree desert heat, and discovering that I was so money and didn't even know it.