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What's the Status Of

Me as I write this:

I’ve got Spike TV’s Most Irresistible Women on in the background. I’m finding that this show preys upon a two things I’m fond of: lists and very attractive women. I can get behind Spike. I’m not really a guy’s guy (so, not 95% driven by cars, sports, and arse), but every time I turn to this channel I have no trouble watching whatever’s on: MXC, The Ultimate Fighter, old bad Schwarzenegger movies—it’s all gold.

I love when things are ranked. Rank your books, rank your friends, rank your nuts—I love it! It’s telling, and the arguments that come out of it are a blast. What do we have on the show so far here: Eva Mendes, Scarlett Johansen, Gisele, Eva Longoria. They’re not part of my top five, but I can see what the fuss is about. And while we’re on it, I really can’t stand when people (guys in particular) take a girl who is universally agreed as being gorgeous and say “She’s ugly! I don’t know what people see in her.” I get that Britney Spears is vapid, has a taste for repugnant, parasitic men, and is more corporate construction than actual human being—but she’s still very, very attractive. Say you don’t like her and I’ll second the notion, but says she’s ugly and you’re just trying to score points with a girl, or you’re one of those people who hates anything popular on principle.

Thought I might be going somewhere smarter or more interesting with that, but it appears not.

Gunther and Moe

Gunther was supposed to be the shit-disturber. When we went to pick him up after agreeing we liked his online profile (and, after numerous flirtatious e-mails, finally chatting on the phone), he seemed like a miserable, troublemaking cat. But he turned out to be the good one—he gets off the table when you tell him, he doesn’t try to leap outside every time you open the front door. Instead, it’s Moe that’s the little savage. I mean, I love him, but he’s an asspain. For one, he isn’t deterred by water. With cats, a water-bottle is pretty much your only disciplinary recourse, and while Gunther will run to the farthest corner of the apartment if I so much as spit when I talk, I can hit Gunther with a water spray nine times in a row and all I get for my trouble is a sodden cat that still won’t get off the table. Second: he’s developed an aversion to pooping in the litter box. It has something to do with a parasite he has right now (sounds worse than it is), but either he associates the box with pain, or he doesn’t like the feel of the litter, but either way we pretty much have to restrain him in the box for him to use it. I find myself saying things like, “Poo for Daddy! Come on. Make a nice mud shark. That’s the boy!” We’re working on it through—changing his diet, varying the texture and type of his litter, attempting ‘special massages.’ No real progress so far, but we’ll keep you posted.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Just to show that Moe's unpredictable...

Last night - clean box with a thin layer of litter = Moe using box with no prompting.

Just an update. Poor baby.
Dave said…
I'm not sure, but I think Gunther was there to rub his back and tell him, "Good! Good! Make a nice flumpy!"
Anonymous said…
First of all...
Left nut. Then Right.

Second of all, Britney is Ugly.
Let's see her without the makeup, shall we?

And BOOM!

She looks like me.

Damn.

Lastly..
Try prunes.
Or, rather, you try shitting in a litterbox and tell me if you like it, pansy.
Anonymous said…
Let me re-phrase that last bit.

Of course BS has a great body (although I don't know what it looks like right now, post partum).
But facially, something bugs me. She's no Teri Hatcher or Jennifer Garner.

But then, everyone has different tastes.
Omeaux said…
I'm really sorry, I DO NOT find Britney attractive. Not to say that she wouldn't be attractive to other people, but she's really not my type. Wrong figure, wrong face, and definitely wrong mouth. I really hate her smile, I really really do.

But I agree with your Spike TV impressions. That channel can be fun.
KlevaBich said…
Britney isn't what you'd call ugly, but she just looks stupid. Now there's a book that you CAN judge by its cover.

"Mud shark." Thanks, I'm always looking for a new euphemism.

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