“Barry,” my cousin Mike said, “I think it’s time.” It was clear that my brother didn’t feel the same way, but he only shrugged, which Mike took as agreement. “Dave,” he said, giving the words as much gravity as he could muster, “Go get the dictionary.” I was nine years old, and a tag-along. I’d walked in on my brother telling a story about how—during school that morning—a girl he knew got her period in the middle of French class. And I laughed like the dickens. And then they called me on it. After I’d lugged the dictionary down from the spare room, Mike told me to look up the word period and read out the definition. “The end of a cycle, a series of events, or a single action?” “Keep going,” he said. “The full pause with which a sentence closes?” “Not that.” “An interval of geologic—“ “Gimme that!” He yanked the book towards him, read down the page, and pointed me towards the definition he’d found. Menstruation: the monthly discharge of blood from the uterus of nonpregnant women from pu...
Comments
A nice bar in Yorkville? Yes.
Movie theatre? No
I believe that all those who squander their $8.00-$9.50 through drunken debauchery, cell phone use, and excessive talking, all while disturbing the movie-viewing enjoyment of others, should be shot.
That's the American way.
But sex and blow jobs in back rows. That's fine.
Cancel the vaseline body scrub we were gonna get Kris for Christmas.
I decided to make sure that "it worked" so I tested out a little bit of it.
Next thing I knew people were paying me $2 to slide down the stairs in my house.
It was very surreal.
Alas, the movie people went into Crow's theatre and started checking tickets, asking us to get in the right theatre.
I don't know if that counts as "kicked out" but it's the best I've got
I'll probably end up ripping the movie anyway.
But I think my friend and I were interrogated about our ages before going to see "Summer School" with Mark Harmon and Kirstie Alley and were then confronted by the guy in the theatre but bluffed him down. Of COURSE we were old enough to see an AA film without adult accompaniment. (How old is that anyway?)
Same friend and I were later offered "Sid and Nancy" (an R movie at the tender age of 13-ish) at the video store in the Milton Mall (last time I was there it was a Moneysworth and Best shoe repair). We were so freaked out by the guy that we didn't even take him up on it.
Alas I have never done the back row snog. Now I know what I was waiting till my thirties to do...
Everything in Korean sounds scary. In actual fact I think my friends were just having a conversation about the weather.
Oh yes, recently the movie police made me leave my LCBO bag at the box office, to ensure that I wasn't going to be chugging back my bottles of port and Chardonnay during "March of the Penguins." Bad example for the kiddies and geriatric crowd at the matinées, you see. And they don't like it when you scream "You and your kind should be EXTINCT by now, damn it!" at the emperor penguins.
Emperor penguins, eh?
Sounds like the kind of thing that people would pay good money for.
I will take this opoprtunity to offer to be your manager.
I'll take only 10%, as long as you let me play with the penguins.
You make every day a chocolate cake!