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I'm married to my best friend and it's very hard for me to imagine what it's like for married people who don't feel that way about their partner. Sarah and I were friends well before anything romantic happened, and while it was a casual friendship at first, the relationship grew and deepened as we opened up over time, which eventually led to the sharing of "all our darkest secrets" (not so dark in hindsight). At some point – before I was even aware it had happened – we were in love. That's what made things so intense, and ultimately so scary: because it was anchored in deep friendship. At some point, it became an all-or-nothing situation. We broke up for a while in the early days, and while we did stay friends, whenever we were together and both single, well, there was boundary slippage. Then after getting back together for real, we hit a rough patch. And it resulted in this pretty blunt acknowledgement between us: that either we'd work this problem out over time or we'd be completely done. It was impossible to subtract pieces of our relationship – we couldn't only be friends. If we couldn't be completely and fully together, then we'd have to be out of each other's lives entirely.

Spoiler: things worked out.

I'm sure that when people talk about "the one that got away," that's the scenario they're talking about – the full gamut friendship-love they once had and lost. If Sarah and I hadn't reunited, it's not as though we wouldn't have found other partners, but I can confidently say there would be something permanently closed off within me.  


Happily, we ended up on the right side of whatever our sliding door moment was. I have everything in Sarah. Whenever I tell her this, she just laughs. "Yeah, right. A concussed girl with a janky knee," was her last rebuttal. But I have a partner who knows me better than anyone on earth. She's brilliant and exciting. She feels thing deeply and sees through bullshit. She makes you feel seen by remembering the smallest details of your life. And every time we're apart for any length of time, I still catch my breath when I first see her face again. Happy Birthday to the one who – thank God – didn't get away.

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