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Operation Crib Assembly takes place tomorrow. Actually, we've got a number of tasks that will fill up our Saturday, but putting a crib together is the biggest one because it's the most difficult, frustrating bit of assembly you'll ever perform in your entire life. Allegedly.

For the record, I am not remotely worried about this task, but I've had at least four people warn and/or taunt me about it. "Oh boy. That's gonna take forever." "You're going to hate it and hate everyone around you by the time you're done." "I hope you've got beer in the fridge." Now I'm not claiming to be the handiest guy in the world, but how hard can this shit be? Does it involve welding? Do I have to assemble hydraulics? What is this secret complicating factor that I'm not aware of it? I'm not going to beat any world records putting this thing together, but if it has instructions and none of the parts are missing, I can probably figure things out. Sarah's parents are coming over and her dad will be helping me out. If the two of us are on the job and we still have trouble, well maybe I'm just not qualified to have this kid.

As a bonus, I'll have access to Ray's Magic Bag of Tools. This Bag was so named after we borrowed it to assemble all our new furniture when we first moved to Ottawa. It's a heavy canvas bag full of tool miscellany, and it just seems that anything you ever need is in there.
"Does the Magic Bag of Tools have any wood glue?"
"Yup."
"How about wire strippers?"
"You bet?"
"Geez... what about a level?"
"A small one, but yes."
"A brass screw-platted caster?"
"Four of them."
"What about an entire lathe?"
"He does. But it needs some assembly."

Comments

Anonymous said…
I've never understood the "crib assembly menace" thing.

I mean, our crib was used, and had no instructions, and it didn't take very long at all.

I think most people like to make new parents scared.

Once they figured out that trying to scare me involved their crotches hurting from the introdicktion of my boot, the stupid stories stopped.

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