Skip to main content

Fourth day at sea

Celebrity does a beautiful meal, they keep the ship spotless, the staff is uniformly excellent—but the one place they fall terribly short is in the entertainment section. The stage shows are okay—assuming they’re showing a pianist, or a singer, or some other hired-for-the-night entertainment folk. But anything that stars The Celebrity Players is absolutely to be missed. This is where bad musical theatre grads go to die. They hit the steps and the notes they should, but there’s a high school earnestness about them, and the productions are just terrible. A Broadway Review! An Off-Broadway Review! A Review of Rockin’ Advertising Jingles! A Nursery Rhymes Review! So, so, so not good. And Celebrity’s TV programming is just shit. There are about ten channels, which include Front of the Ship Cam, the Navigational Info channel, Mercury Today! (a rundown of events on the ship), the Buy Our Cruise DVD channel, CNN, three music only channels, the Direct-to-DVD Movie Channel, and a channel that cycles six or seven episodes of Numb3rs. I’d just as soon have no TV at all.

And while I’m in rant mode: the art on this ship is atrocious. The only good stuff is a series of black and white photos of icebergs, from the days when the Mercury was still on an Alaska run. Otherwise: just so terrible. Two paintings I can see from where I’m sitting:
- guy plays a piano that is actually a giant heart, possibly under water, with a few Jackson Pollock splashes all over the canvas for no reason
- three red circles of various sizes, with a yellow diagonal line across the middle, and the big line has red wavy lines scrawled in here and there
Bow in the presence of Art!

The worst piece (which we pass by at least twice a day), is a series of headshots of children with their eyes squeezed shut and their mouths agape (occasionally with lulling tongues, where you can almost hear the AGGGGGHHHHHHLLLLLLGGHHH! noise they’re surely making. This piece is entitled: “Close your mouth and open your eyes and see what God gives you.” We prefer to think of it as “Kids have some fugly teeth.”

But enough complaining. This was a good day at sea, with better waters than we’d previously had. After dinner, we went over the one of the nightclubs for the 50s and 60s Sock Hop, which was an insanely popular night. I actually danced, probably for the first time since my wedding, and the cruise videographer was on top of me the moment I hit the dance floor. I will have to kill him before that cruise DVD gets finished and my spastic moves are immortalized.

(I should add that I’m a bit behind on my posts, so this might be the last until we get back home. So for the record, we haven’t fallen overboard or been eaten by dingos or anything. I just got a little lazy.)


Kelly said…
All the dirt comes out at once. But your cheerful take on everything so far has been highly encouraging. Must get us to the Oz and NZ.

Popular posts from this blog

Menopause-Themed Slot Machines = Awesome

We sleep in a little, then leave our bags with the bell desk and check out. Hauling ass to Cravings (the buffet at Mirage), we get there two minutes after the lunch prices come into play, but the cashier is a sweetheart and gives us breakfast prices anyways. There’s mediocre sushi, very good Chinese, and decent Italian, plus breakfast items which we avoid like the plague. After this, we head through Harrah’s and catch the monorail heading South. Having rocked the entire North end of the strip the day before, this last day is our chance to show the South end a good time, and not call it in the morning.

Popping into MGM, we have a second crack at Studio City. This time, it’s a preview for an animated show called Creature Comforts. Basic premise: the producers have gone out and interviewed everyday peeps on topics like Keeping Secrets, Health, Sexuality, etc. While the audio remains intact, in place of the actual speakers are claymation sequences featuring animals as the speakers. …
Sarah has taken on the job of homeschooling our kids this year. It's a decision she made for a variety of reasons. Because some of our kids needed more one-on-one support than they were getting at their
school. Because full-day kindergarten is an under-resourced, over-stuffed gong show. Because she was spending so much time volunteering at the school helping other people's kids when she could be more directly helping her own. And, fundamentally, because she felt called to do it.
I was nervous for her. There was absolutely no question she was capable of teaching the kids. She's an omnivorous learner, she's brilliant, and she can explain pretty much anything to anyone. What I was worried about was the weight of it all. We're playing it year-to-year, so it doesn't have to be a decade-long commitment, but even locking in for just one year is a tremendous responsibility. It's a full-time job and a half. And with the mix of ages between our kids, it&#…

New York 2017 - Day 1

For Sarah’s 40th birthday, I took her to New York City. I arranged a dream of a vacation, shouldering all of the planning and arrangements. All she had to do was show up and enjoy it! BWAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding – Sarah did all the planning because I’m a terrible husband! Okay, I’m a moderately okay husband, but I’m terrible at planning travel. Had I’d arranged things, it would have been like, “Honey, we’re going to New York City! It’s going to cost forty grand and we’ll only be there for three days. Also, we have to drive. But hey, NYC!”
We left Ottawa in the late morning, connected through Pearson, and got to Laguardia in the early afternoon. (This may be news to no one, but Laguardia is a surprisingly ugly airport. I'm always amazed when major, modern American cities have run-down airports. See also: LAX.) Our hotel was The Belvedere, which had a totally excellent location in Hell's Kitchen a few blocks away from the theatre district. The hotel itself was a little wor…