Skip to main content
The building I work in may be on fire right now. I sort of hope that it is, but only for the sake of making this a more interesting story. About ten minutes ago there was a really strong smell of melted plastic, and shortly after that the alarm went off. I’ve been caught unprepared a few too many times, so I grabbed my coat, gloves, laptop, and secret money stash and ran down the street to the local Tim Horton’s. I can actually see the top half of my building from where I’m sitting and there are no giant fireballs shooting out of the place, no panicked folk screaming, “Help, help! My baby is trapped inside!” At least so far.

I don’t wish ill of my building, or of anyone who works there. I think it just struck me that I didn’t leave anything of large value behind. In total, I would lose: three souvenir Vegas mugs, one pair of brown, suede shoes (I have two back ups at home), one pair of winter boots (which I sort of hate), one half-eaten box of Lindor chocolates (won’t be missed), and various pens, scissors, paperclips, and office miscellany. I wouldn’t even lose anything that mattered to my work. I’ve got maybe a dozen documents printed out and shoved in a drawer; nothing that isn’t backed up digitally somewhere. I pride myself on the fact that I have a Spartan-looking office, and I feel sorry for the poor bastards with filing cabinets, and stacks of client files, and desks spilling over with printed-out slide decks. That would be my hell, I think.

Well, seeing as the line-up here has completely dried up, it’s a safe bet that the place didn’t burn to the ground. Also a good indicator that I’ve been gone too long.


Anonymous said…
You have Spartans on your desk?

Do you dine in hell often?

Popular posts from this blog

Menopause-Themed Slot Machines = Awesome

We sleep in a little, then leave our bags with the bell desk and check out. Hauling ass to Cravings (the buffet at Mirage), we get there two minutes after the lunch prices come into play, but the cashier is a sweetheart and gives us breakfast prices anyways. There’s mediocre sushi, very good Chinese, and decent Italian, plus breakfast items which we avoid like the plague. After this, we head through Harrah’s and catch the monorail heading South. Having rocked the entire North end of the strip the day before, this last day is our chance to show the South end a good time, and not call it in the morning.

Popping into MGM, we have a second crack at Studio City. This time, it’s a preview for an animated show called Creature Comforts. Basic premise: the producers have gone out and interviewed everyday peeps on topics like Keeping Secrets, Health, Sexuality, etc. While the audio remains intact, in place of the actual speakers are claymation sequences featuring animals as the speakers. …
Sarah has taken on the job of homeschooling our kids this year. It's a decision she made for a variety of reasons. Because some of our kids needed more one-on-one support than they were getting at their
school. Because full-day kindergarten is an under-resourced, over-stuffed gong show. Because she was spending so much time volunteering at the school helping other people's kids when she could be more directly helping her own. And, fundamentally, because she felt called to do it.
I was nervous for her. There was absolutely no question she was capable of teaching the kids. She's an omnivorous learner, she's brilliant, and she can explain pretty much anything to anyone. What I was worried about was the weight of it all. We're playing it year-to-year, so it doesn't have to be a decade-long commitment, but even locking in for just one year is a tremendous responsibility. It's a full-time job and a half. And with the mix of ages between our kids, it&#…

New York 2017 - Day 1

For Sarah’s 40th birthday, I took her to New York City. I arranged a dream of a vacation, shouldering all of the planning and arrangements. All she had to do was show up and enjoy it! BWAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding – Sarah did all the planning because I’m a terrible husband! Okay, I’m a moderately okay husband, but I’m terrible at planning travel. Had I’d arranged things, it would have been like, “Honey, we’re going to New York City! It’s going to cost forty grand and we’ll only be there for three days. Also, we have to drive. But hey, NYC!”
We left Ottawa in the late morning, connected through Pearson, and got to Laguardia in the early afternoon. (This may be news to no one, but Laguardia is a surprisingly ugly airport. I'm always amazed when major, modern American cities have run-down airports. See also: LAX.) Our hotel was The Belvedere, which had a totally excellent location in Hell's Kitchen a few blocks away from the theatre district. The hotel itself was a little wor…