Algonquin 2007

Here’s an Algonquin trip review interlude. Like this last two reviews: in bullet points.

• Whereas last year was light on the portage and heavy on the paddling, this year was dead opposite. There was a 2K portage (the idea behind which nobody wants to claim responsibility for). On the way in, I hated it. Also hated: people, animals, insects, rocks, trees—I would basically have clear-cut the whole park if I had the chance. But then the second I took off my pack at the end, life was beautiful and I was ready to make sweet love to nature.
• I discovered a leak in one of my nalgene bottles at the end of the portage and this resulted in the first time that heavy drinking began before reaching the campsite. It was a container of Jagermeister that, thanks to the sun, was about 92 degrees Celsius. Props go to Dennis, Joe, and Brad for helping me take care of that hot, horrid beverage (although, to be honest, Brad rubbed the bulk of his share over his nipples).
• The site we ended up on was just big enough for four tents. As in years past, I brought my enormous Wenger, but the only place to set it up was on a hill. Dennis, Farley, and I did our best to sleep with our heads on the higher ground, but throughout the night one of us would inevitable slide downward and be all squashed and pressed up against the bottom of the tent.
• Whereas Euchre was the card game of choice in past years, this year’s game was Thirty-One (which I like to claim is a Newfie game but that’s only because my parents taught it to me). During the series of games played, Natalie called me Bastard Boy no less than 47 times (despite the fact that she won more than anyone else).
• On the second day in the interior, we were joined by Brad’s sister Corey (who brought additional Prince Igor, and so, is all kinds of cool in my book). Brad, Corey, Nat, and Tien decided they’d canoe across the lake and climb a bluff they’d spotted. Early into it, a big rock got dislodged and landed squarely on Brad’s foot. His foot swelled and bruised nicely, but fortunately wasn’t broken (so Brad will still be able to cut a rug during his impending nuptials). Dennis and Tien offered to head back and help Brad get his stuff back through the portage. In honour of their efforts, I stopped drinking for the entire time they were away.
• There were a few camping regulars missing. The effect of their absence can be measured in the following way: Tanya’s absence – resulted in 95% less eye-rolling, and 80% less snore-induced sleeplessness. Lorraine’s absence – resulted in 84% less wood carving, and 100% less quotable phrases related to Farley getting bug-bites on her privates. Jorge’s absence – resulted in 75% less overall frivolity; 90% less use of the phrase “my wang,” and 40% less bro-mance.
• The first annual Neddle-In-A-Haystack award goes to Tien. First, for plucking Dennis’s contact lens out of the lake as it floated by him. Second, for losing his wedding ring in the water but finding it less than ten minutes later. The second one is slightly less impossible-seeming than the first, but still hella impressive.
• After two days of diligent fishing, Joe landed Billy Big Mouth (in actuality the fish didn’t sing, nor was it even a bass, but I just like to call it that). Tien offered up his knife-tastic gutting services. (I’d like to note that a shitload of blood came out of that fish. Not sure what I expected to come out exactly. Candy? Tartar sauce, maybe? Was disappointed.) Actually, as Isha noted, the whole camp came together to prepare Billy. That was our nice big family moment. If you’re wondering what part I played in the preparation: I was the one who handed Tien the knife. That’s cooperation right there.
• On the way back, we scored a free canoe (the how part is a longer story then I care to write). Joe, he-man that he is, brought his pack and canoe back to the car, ran back (that’s 2K, let me remind you), then more or less ran back again to car with the second canoe. Isha offered to drive on the return trip, and she even put on lulling sleepy time tunes for the rest of us. I slept pretty much the entire way back.