Skip to main content

Sucks/Rocks

Welcome to my current obsession: Sucks/Rocks. It’s a site that determine whether something rocks or sucks. Beautiful in its simplicity, isn’t it? You enter your search term—say, Peanut Butter Cups—and the site will search for all instances of positive phrase relating to your term versus negative phrases relating to your term (‘Peanut Butter Cups are wicked!’ as opposed to ‘I can’t stand me no goddamn Peanut Butter Cups!’) It then takes these positive and negative hits, factors in some complicated maths, and comes back with a ranking from 0 to 10, with 0 being a black hole of sucking, and 10 being something that rocks more than anything that has every rocked before.

One-off searches are fun, but it’s the comparisons that make things really interesting. Here are a few I tried earlier today:
Let’s analyze the results. You’re probably as surprised as I am by Nickleback’s standing. I’d certainly have placed them as sucking more than hippies but less than diarrhea, however, the mass majority says that Nickleback rocks—just not very much. It’s reassuring to know, though, that they don’t rock as hard as old people. After that, I was on a quest to find the thing that sucked more than anything else, and while I didn’t burn through the entire dictionary, of the hundred odd searches I tried nothing sucked so hard as American beer. Now we come to toques (knit-caps to you American folk). Who’d have believed that of all the things that rock, chief among them is the toque? Even Jesus doesn’t rock so hard as the toque, and that guy—clearly—rocks pretty hard.

Go on over to the site. It’s stupidly addictive. Given enough time, you’ll search on anything. I eventually got the notion that Sucks/Rocks might solve my long-standing Sarah-related inferiority complex. As you can see, no cure was found there.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Funny, when I tried, American beer didn't suck as much as when you did it. I also found that cuddling and spooning rock harder than sex, and moleskines are just as awesome as toques. Oh, and that homophobia sucks something fierce.
Beth said…
Since your blog doesn't appear to do "trackbacks" or "pingbacks" or "backlinks" or whatever the hell kids are calling them these days, I thought I'd point out that I have stolen your idea and run with it.
Anonymous said…
Ah...
Beth: Stealer of ideas.
Anonymous said…
You know what sucks even more than American beer?

Herpes. It clocks in at -2.5. Rock! I mean Suck!
Luc said…
I never saw that site before. Happy that my first name brought a score of 9.9!
Anonymous said…
This is an incredible find Dave. 'Big Up'to you sir.
jules said…
I managed to wittle away 20 minutes with this... had to share it too....
wow.jules.ca
great find!!

PS - i crashed the site while trying AT&T on it
thanks dave, this is awesome.

Popular posts from this blog

I should add...

... that two people were instrumental in my joining Twitter. First, Isha . She sent out an article on it when the application was still brand new. (And I remember thinking, "Screw that noise. Like I need more online commitments.) Second was Rebecca . She joined up just a short while ago, claiming she hadn't met a bandwidth she didn't like . (And then she disappeared entirely from the internets .) It looked nice and pretty over there on her sidebar, and then I got a little jealous. The rest: history. And for those unobservant among you ( Jorge ), the Twitter feed is right there on my sidebar, replacing the old Radio 3 player that I loved, but that I think scared the bejezus out of a lot of people. Also, everyone should join Twitter. I'm needing some diversions , people.
Change Two: Drink More Water Such a simple thing, yet something I just can't seem to find the time to do. About the only water I drink in your average day is whatever sweat happens to trickle off my mustache. Hydration (so the smart people tell me) is a good thing. I'm less fatigued when I drink water. I'm less hungry when I drink water. I'm even less grumpy when I drink water. I promise you nothing especially impressive. Eight glass a day ain't gonna happen. I'm shooting for two on average; two trendy, metallic, not gonna bleed Bisphenol A into my system bottles of water. I know were off to a rip-roaring start, what with the list-making and the hydration, but I'll try to get crazier with future changes. Stuff like: go to work drunk more, and buy a pair of leather pants. For now, let me ease into it.

Discuss Amongst Yourselves - January 30th, 2006

In case you don’t read my comments (and if not, you’re nuts cause that’s where all the good stuff is), Courtney has just declared herself movie illiterate. So, if you had to recommend five essential movies that everyone should see, what would they be? Let me stress: only five. For those of you with break-the-rules tendencies (like--I dunno--just picking a name out of the air... Jorge ?), your comment gets chucked out. Give’r.