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Oh, those Russians!

Ladies and gentlemen,

We here at touchyoulast are officially on summer hiatus. Don’t stop tuning in though; rather then just show reruns, our timeslot will be used by a new buddy cop drama staring Rob Van Winkle and Dave Coulier called “Coulier as Ice.”

Actually, we’re off on the vacation of a lifetime—our second this year. Where are we going? I’ll let you know when I get there. I’ve had my head full of work and Armada over the past few weeks, and although I’ve been given the itinerary for our trip seventeen times, I’ve forgotten it every single time. It’s a cruise, and I think it goes something like this:
London
Russia
Sweden
Denmark
Kazakhstan
Transylvania
Constantinople
If I’ve got that wrong, Sarah will correct me.

We’ll be back in July. In the meantime, keep me abreast of what’s going on in the world. I’d like to have a complete list of famous people deaths and celebrity breakups to get me up to speed for when I return.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Wow.

Three weeks without the D man.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Fuck.
Anonymous said…
Dave, I can't believe you're going on another vacation! Who do you work for - the US government? (I love Dave Coulier, by the way.)

--> JORGE - Well, that last verb you supplied is as good an activity as any to pass the time. ;-)
Rebecca said…
Goddamnit, now I have Boney M stuck in my head!

Bon voyage! Play nice with the locals!
Chris Vagg said…
Damn! That's quite the vacation...enjoy!
Beth said…
Dave, in recent celebrity news, I read that Katie Holmes is DESPERATE to get married to Tom Cruise because she's afraid that if they don't get married and then end up in court fighting over custody, she won't have the money to win custody. If she marries him, she gets like $3 per year up to 11 years (after which she is entitled to half his cash).

You're welcome.
Dave said…
Hey all,

We've got an hour of downtime, so I'm in an Internet cafe in London (1€ an hour: you can't fucking beat that). We're having a great time so far and no one has bitten anyone else's head off yet, although I've been hangry on more than one occasion. The beer is not as warmed as reputation would have you believe, but I have seen a few mouths straight out of the Big Book of British Smiles. Of foreign keyboards I've used, this rates better than the one in Croatia (despite the @ symbol being all frigged up to find and the € symbol popping up every time you even look at the Shift key.) What have we done? Uh, National Portrait Gallery, Westminster Abbey (among your better abbeys out there), Museum of London, Museum of the Evil That is Dentistry... all the good stuff. I haven't been hooliganized yet, but the big game started fifteen minutes ago and now I have to walk back to the hotel on my own. Wish me luck.
Anonymous said…
Dude, you will have seen more of the world in the next 3 weeks then I will most likely see in my entire life.

But I can still take you in a fair fight, dammit.

Somehow that feels empty.

I'm vowing to stow away in you rluggage or amidst your cheeks the next time you go away.
Dave said…
Two seconds after walking away from the Internet cafe in London, I realized I'd used € instead of £. Me no smart.

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