Why God? Why must I add my voice to the chorus of nerds discussing the new Star Wars film? Is it because I haven’t posted lately? Or because I’m the illegitimate son of Billy Dee Williams? Either way, I’m compelled. I’ll keep it brief and point-formy.
· When it’s good it’s perfect, and when it’s bad it’s awful. Conversations, in general: not so good. Every successive scene between Anakin and Padme became the worst scene in the movie for me. But the opening twenty minutes was great, and the scene after Obi-Wan defeats Anakin was, I think, the best in the series. It occurs to me that if you were to cut together the best forty-five minutes of that movie and show it to someone as a highlights reel, they would almost certainly assume the whole thing was perfect.
· Revenge of the Sith has the most unintentionally funny line of any movie I have ever seen. When Anakin said the words, “But our love can’t save your life, only my new powers can do that,” I damn neat shat laughing. Sarah’s favourite was, “If you’re not with me, you’re my enemy,” which comes second, but not a close second.
· What the hell did Obi-Wan and Yoda do for the twenty years between Episodes III and IV? Because I get the sense that they did nothing at all. Oh, they ate and stuff, maybe went for walks once in a while, Yoda even made himself some nice flatware out of clay; but as far as saving the Universe from the Empire in even the teensiest way, it just didn’t seem to cross their minds. Fair enough, keeping a low profile was probably good policy, but couldn’t they have clobbered a storm-trooper or two or the sly? Mailed out anti-Empire propaganda? Published biting, satirical cartoons? Sure, take five or ten years off. I understand, and you’ve earned it. But after year twelve or so it’s probably time to start rousing the rabble.
I could say more, but you can read it elsewhere and better written to boot. Like here.
· When it’s good it’s perfect, and when it’s bad it’s awful. Conversations, in general: not so good. Every successive scene between Anakin and Padme became the worst scene in the movie for me. But the opening twenty minutes was great, and the scene after Obi-Wan defeats Anakin was, I think, the best in the series. It occurs to me that if you were to cut together the best forty-five minutes of that movie and show it to someone as a highlights reel, they would almost certainly assume the whole thing was perfect.
· Revenge of the Sith has the most unintentionally funny line of any movie I have ever seen. When Anakin said the words, “But our love can’t save your life, only my new powers can do that,” I damn neat shat laughing. Sarah’s favourite was, “If you’re not with me, you’re my enemy,” which comes second, but not a close second.
· What the hell did Obi-Wan and Yoda do for the twenty years between Episodes III and IV? Because I get the sense that they did nothing at all. Oh, they ate and stuff, maybe went for walks once in a while, Yoda even made himself some nice flatware out of clay; but as far as saving the Universe from the Empire in even the teensiest way, it just didn’t seem to cross their minds. Fair enough, keeping a low profile was probably good policy, but couldn’t they have clobbered a storm-trooper or two or the sly? Mailed out anti-Empire propaganda? Published biting, satirical cartoons? Sure, take five or ten years off. I understand, and you’ve earned it. But after year twelve or so it’s probably time to start rousing the rabble.
I could say more, but you can read it elsewhere and better written to boot. Like here.
Comments
I am going to reveal my nerdiness here.
Obi-Wan was on Tattooine to keep an eye on Luke as he grew up. On top of that, he was conferring and training with Qui-Gon Jinn, learning how to make his voice separate from the force when he died.
Yoda feld to Dagobah. He had previously defeated a powerful Sith lord there in the past. When the Sith Lord died, his essence fused to a tree (the one that Luke walks into in ESB). This "Dark Side Nexus" could hide Yoda from the likes of the emperor, who would be looking for bright spots of light-side force. Yoda, though, was hidden by the big smattering of dark-side energy there.
That's it.
I didn't like the first three movies, for the most part. Other than the fact that Ewan McGregor kicks ass....
Oh yes, and the "Tragedy of Anakin turning to the dark side"
PALPATINE: Become my apprentice. Learn the ways of the dark side.
ANAKIN: No!
PALPATINE: Aw, come on.
ANAKIN: Well, Okay.
Fucker